• Will Malpass

Loose Cannons


My name is Andrew Matheson, and up until about a year ago, I was a ninth-grade biology teacher. Now I think I might be evolving into one of those wacko conspiracy theory people. Ha ha, I used the word "evolving" to describe what's happening to me, which is perfectly ironic given the situation.

There was a time not so long ago when I considered myself grounded, rational, perfectly comfortable within our reality. But no more. The cannons of my mind have slipped loose from their moorings and are rumbling across the pitching decks, crashing into logic, reason, and sanity with great abandon. Now with many thunderous booms and flying shards of splintering wood, "reality" disintegrates before me.

The cannon is secured in place by heavy restraints. It would be, um, "bad" if it broke free and began rolling around the deck, smashing into things and sailors.

"Gosh, Andrew, lighten up! What are you trying to say? Start over, buddy." The left hemisphere of my cerebral cortex attempts to send a comforting message to my right hemisphere, which is totally juiced up with cataclysmic imagery and desperate hyperbole. As millions of my neurons reset and discharge across microscopic synapses hundreds of times a second, the outcome of Left Brain's persuasion hangs precariously balanced in the realm of the unknown for a moment. And then Right Brain yields.

So let me start over, okay? My name is Andrew Matheson, and up until about a year ago, I was a ninth-grade biology teacher.

TO BE CONTINUED...

(Image courtesy of https://www.phrases.org.uk/images/loose-cannon.jpg)

#DarkOpus

©2017-20 by Will Malpass.