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  • Writer's pictureWilliam Malpass

Advanced (S)Wordplay

Folks, I'm going to go out on a limb and say everybody enjoys tree puns as much as I do. No? Not so much? Hmm. What about rock puns? Granite, they're not for everyone.... Speaking of granite, how about a mountain slope pun? That is, if you're so inclined.

Well what kind of wordplay do sophisticated readers like you enjoy then? Egg jokes? I've got a dozen of those! What about wet floor jokes? I might try to slide one of those in on you.

(Shh. Listen for a minute. Hear that? So quiet. So peaceful.)

Yeah, I think by now I've chased off all but the most stalwart readers, so I congratulate you, intrepid individuals, for hanging in there while the fainthearted decided they've "got better things to do with their time." Sure, whatever. But not us, friends! We've got absolutely nothing better to do with our time! YAY, US!

Which brings me to English, of course. You've got this English word "WORD" which rhymes with "bird." And then you've got this English word "SWORD" that rhymes with "board." And that's just wrong, folks. And what's up with that silent W? (Yes, friends, I'm sure it's silent—I checked.)

What's up with that silent W?

Furthermore, one can engage in "wordplay" all day long with very little risk of physical injury; but to participate in "swordplay" without wearing protective clothing—even for just a moment—is to put one's very life at stake.

And just what is a "very life," anyway?

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