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  • Writer's pictureWilliam Malpass

Secret Agents of the Illuminati

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.

Joseph Heller, Catch-22

I've been keeping a low profile lately, ever since I described for you the highly-classified first test of an operational Tesla Singularity Generator. (Click the underlined link to read more about what really happened at Roswell, New Mexico in July 1947.) It's the Illuminati, of course. They don't want so-called "common folk" like you and me to know the truth.

I'm sure this guy is probably a harmless florist, not a secret agent of the Illuminati.

Well in my opinion, the truth is the Illuminati are just a bunch of egotistical bullies. They know using a TSG to reshape space-time is an unfair shortcut. A cheat. They are influencing world governments, manipulating world markets, and all the while consolidating their power.

You don't get it, do you? Boy, they've got you right where they want youin the dark. Admit it—you don't really even believe the Illuminati exist, do you? Wow. Well I appreciate your honesty. But even though you're skeptical, I feel it's my duty to continue to share the truth with you.

You see, after that 1947 test of a TSG at the Groom Lake Test Range—the region later known as Area 51—mankind's understanding of the nature of reality fundamentally shifted. Why? Because NOTHING—ABSOLUTELY NOTHING—is supposed to be able to exit a singularity! Not even light should be able to overcome the gravitational force. (That's why it's called a black hole, after all.) Nevertheless, the shredded, twisted remains of an Air Force test model showed up on a sheep ranch near Roswell Army Air Field, more than 800 miles away, and (if the timing of reports of "strange disk-shaped lights" were to be believed) 22 minutes before it left Groom Lake!

The illustrious scientific leaders and dignitaries who witnessed the TSG test subsequently made two pivotal decisions.

  • First, the TSG was simply too dangerous to use again anywhere on Earth. For future tests, mankind would need to develop the technology to travel into the relative safety of the vacuum of space.

  • Second, no single nation—not even (self-described) good old benevolent America—should have exclusive control of further TSG research and development. The (self-described) most brilliant minds in the world would need to form a secret society to watch over the TSG. But what to call this secret society? Hmm...

And that's how the Illuminati really came to be, my skeptical friend. And how creepy goons came to be shadowing me, trying to shut me down, and keep me from telling you the truth.

No worries, though. They won't catch me. Because I also know how to use a TSG to reshape space-time.

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