You may have observed I am an author. Perhaps you are unfamiliar with my body of work? Please do not be embarrassed. Do not feel a crippling sense of shame that you are not well read. You see up to now, the only things I have authored are the TITLES of novels I plan to write someday. Here is a mercifully brief list of possible future Pulitzer Prize contenders.
Collecting Wisdom II
Faster and Funnier
The Earth Man's Song
Nooks and Crannies
The Collected Essays of Will Malpass (nonfiction)
Look, I get that #6 is not the title of a novel, okay? But it's so juicy and perfect in every way I just had to include it in my list.